Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
