Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
