porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
