in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm really busy with my period
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