It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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