u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
