did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
