i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
