I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Operation Purity has been aborted
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
