I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
