This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
