Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
