its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
