he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
