Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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