Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
