i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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