Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
