whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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