please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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