I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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