and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
