I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My bed smells like the plague
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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