if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
