He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
