I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
