YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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