Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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