Ambien. No doubt about it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
