did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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