yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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