Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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