I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
