Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
