youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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