i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
