careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
