Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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