thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
