mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
