I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
