just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
