I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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