end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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