i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Bring me that man meat
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
