We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
