Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So drunk its hurt
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
