Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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