I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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