She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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